Friday, December 29, 2006

More Depressing Stuff....

So three speeches in two days.

One of Zalgite's fish died today. He was strangely comfortable with it, despite questions like "Can't we just leave him in there all night and all day and he'll wake up?" or "Will he go to a fish Church?" We went through the traditional Fish Flushing Funeral, and he wondered why I gave him a hug.

In bed, he asked me if City Grandma was sick. I asked which City Grandma, and he said "The one that died, and we went to the church, and had crackers." I explained that, yeah, she had been sick.

Son: When did she get sick?
Me: Well, a while ago. She was very old.
Son: Old people are sick?
Me: Some of them.
Son: When did she stop being sick?
Me: Uhm... when she died, I guess.
Son: When will we see her again?
Me: Uhm... we won't.
Son: When is she coming back?
Me: Uhm... she's not.
Son: Oh. That's not nice.
Me: I know.
Son: I can get new fish, from the Pet Store.
Me: Yes. Yes you can.

I Love the Christmas season.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Growing Up...

So I was talking with Zalgite in the car today (my son, almost five) and I told him that after Mom picks up his medicine from the pharmacist, we were heading "straight home". Here is the conversation:

Son: We'll go straight home?
Me: That's right.
Son: We'll go in a straight line?
Me: Almost.
Son: We won't turn left or right?
Me: No, we'll have to turn.
Son: Why?
Me: Well, because we'd crash.
Son: Then we'd have to go to the hospital!
Me: That's right.
Son: Then we'd have to go to the church!
Me: Well.... yeah, I suppose that's true.
Son: No, we wouldn't go to the church.
Me: We wouldn't?
Son: No, other people would go to the church, people who wanted to see us one more time.
Me: ..... Yeah. Yeah, they would.

I know kids are supposed to say these deep, profound things, but this almost made me sick, and I'm not sure which emotions were responsible. I'm glad that he remembers his great-grandma, my grandma, and her service at the church, but I'm also a little appalled at his grasp of the concept, and I don't even know if I could correct him.


It's my fondest hope that he grows up without having to be reminded of this.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Busy As Fark...

... I haven't even had time to put up Christmas lights outside. Now my house looks like a non-festive black hole in the happy-go-lucky Rancho Relaxo of Barnhartvale, where everyone has Christmas lights up 365 days a year because their house is too big to take them all down. Gyah! Busy! Whoo!

So, first thing's first... the Holly Cole concert. That definitely ranks up there as one of the best live shows I've seen, despite being the most non-thrashy live show I've seen. Holly Cole is a tiny, tiny person in real life, complete with little tiny fists of jazz fury. The chemistry between her and her bandmates is obvious, and extremely entertaining, and the fact that they're all about a billion times better than your average jazz quartet / quintet certainly helps. She sang Tom Waits (I had no idea she'd done an entire ALBUM of Tom Waits stuff!) and all the Christmas stuff, and came back for a 25 minute encore, including a 14 minute version of "I Can See Clearly Now". Plus, seeing the look on Throkky's face made it 100% worth it.

Of course, Throkky's back was DESTROYED by the crappy seating, and after the fucked up our tickets we had to change seats during the intermission, and go eight rows back just to get a good view of the stage, but that's besides the point.

Secondly, Christmas! WOO!! Six hours to go, and I am outta here for.... four days! Then I work three days next week, then a three day weekend, then a four day week, then a two day weekend! That's about the best I can hope for around here! YAYYY!

And lastly.... what the hell happened to Charlotte Church? Last time I saw her, she was a little 13 year old Welsh opera singer. WTF?!

It's just so wrong.

And lastly.... BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 15, 2006


Ok, this is a beef I've had with a lot of Internet forums over the years, but it's really starting to piss me off. I will now sum it up by quoting directly the mods from one such forum:

As a supposedly new poster, it isn't up to our community to deform to your wishes. It is up to you to try to fit in. Just like real life.

Just like real life... yup. Conform, or get kicked the fuck out. I know that these forums are being run by, basically, kids, but the entire concept of "Do what we say, without explanation or argument, and act like we do" is not how real life works (unless you're an American).

However, as is in real life, I have absolutely no power to affect change of any sort. If I tried, they would kick me out. If I commented, or complained, they would kick me out (See previous posts about VGC or NPF). If I protested, they would kick me out. If I boycotted... they wouldn't care.

Here, I am just venting, and I'm reasonably sure I won't get any sympathy there (particularly from people who read this from my ex-forums), but it just completely blows my mind, that given free reign, and effectively unlimited power and resources, and given all the freedom in the world to evolve and develop as people and moderators, all of these little Internet kingdoms have become frighteningly rigid dictatorships, where dissenters are kicked out, never to return.

But, in the interests of fair and balanced reporting, here's David Duke, doing what he does best. Going off-the-wall batshit loco. Pay careful attention when he starts talking about how Wolf only mentioned that he was in the KKK because Wolf is a Jew.

Pure gold.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Math Is Your Friend!

Unless you work for Verizon!

Listen to it, and weep for the species.

Paticularly at 3:30 is when you REEEEALLY get the sense that Verizon's hiring practices aren't really all that different than the local Wal-Mart Greeters Association... probably even more lax. If you can make it to the part where he basically gets the guy to say "One equals one, two equals two, but three doesn't equal three", then you have already probably cancelled your Verizon account.

So, more fun links I have to share...

Mary Poppins.... Rated R

Toy Story 2: Requiem for a Dream

Dilbert & Loathing in Las Vegas

Star Wars: The Brokeback Menace

Sleepless in Seattle.... Rated R

Big.... Rated R

Dodgeball: The Revenge

Gay Terminator II

Office Space.... Of Death

Also, me as a simpsons character:

Friday, December 08, 2006

"Luck"! Get it? Sounds almost exactly like "F..."

So last night, the dishwasher breaks on it's very second load ever. The grinding sound is deafening. I get under the dishwasher, and move the water hose (which is six feet long for some reason) which was trapped under the motor housing, and the power cable (which is five feet long) which was wrapped AROUND the water hose. Then I run the dishwasher. It's still grinding. Steph decides not to deal with reality for a little while, and goes to check her e-mail while I deal with tech support while holding a baby.

I call Future Shop, they transfer me. I call their service company, but they're closed. I leave a message.

Then inspiration hits, and I get back inside the dishwasher, take out the solids trap, empty it out, and get my fingers into the garburator / filter, and pull out the screw that got ripped out of the undercounter when the dishwasher tipped over the other night. I had found ONE of the screws, and the other apparently stayed inside the door lip, and fell into the dishwasher.

I fired up the dishwasher, there was some minor grinding, then it ran fine again.

Ran two loads last night, and feeling good about my life.

So, naturally, my car battery is dead dead dead this morning because a door was left open. I have to call my mother in law to give the car a jump so I can get in to work and only be 45 minutes late for a meeting that I promised to be at, and with no guarantee my car will start when I have to head home tonight before the office Christmas party.

Oh, and my knee popped out of place again when I pushed the car out of the carport, and then had to stop it from rolling into a snowbank.

I need whiskey...

Monday, December 04, 2006

Meme! Meme! Pick meme!

Doing this for my friend Kat, and her naked ex-husband.

1. Go to, and find the greatest hits for the year you turned 18 (on the left-hand side)
2. Select at least the first 40
3. Bold the ones you like
4. Strike out the ones you hate
5. Italicize the ones you are familiar with but neither like nor hate
6 Leave the ones you don't know as is.

1. I Don't Want To Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
2. Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - Backstreet Boys
3. Jump Jive An' Wail - Brian Setzer Orchestra
4. I Want You Back - N*Sync
5. The Cup of Life - Ricky Martin
6. Too Close - Next
7. Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day
8. From This Moment On - Shania Twain
9. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
10. Suavemente - Elvis Crespo
11. Nice & Slow - Usher
12. Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC
13. A Song For Mama - Boyz II Men
14. The Boy Is Mine - Brandy & Monica
15. Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are) - Pras Michel
16. Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
17. Stay (Wasting Time) - Dave Matthews Band

18. No, No, No part 2 - Destiny's Child
19. This Is How We Party - S.O.A.P.
20. I'll Be - Edwin McCain
21. Just The Two of Us - Will Smith
22. Love Me - 112
23. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It - Will Smith
24. Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies
25. Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
26. As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys
27. All My Life - K-Ci and JoJo
28. Because Of You - 98 Degrees (98°)
29. Closing Time - Semisonic
30. Been Around The World - Puff Daddy
31. Doin' Time - Sublime
32. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
33. I'm Your Angel - R Kelly & Celine Dion
34. You're Still The One - Shania Twain
35. This Kiss - Faith Hill
36. It's All About The Benjamins - Puff Daddy
37. My All - Mariah Carey
38. Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
39. Are You That Somebody? - Aaliyah
40. Walking On The Sun - Smash Mouth
41. Roxanne '97 - Puff Daddy Rimix - The Police
42. Lollipop (Candyman) - Aqua
43. Ooh La La - Rod Stewart
44. One More Night - Amber
45. My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow
46. Stop - Spice Girls
47. Thank U - Alanis Morisette
48. Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant
49. I Don't Want To Wait - Paula Cole
50. 3 AM - Matchbox 20
51. Goodbye - Spicegirls
52. My Way - Usher
53. Kiss The Rain - Billie Myers
54. Been Around the World - Puff Daddy
55. Pink - Aerosmith
56. One Week - Barenaked Ladies
57. Sweetest Thing - U2
58. Luv Me, Luv Me - Shaggy & Janet Jackson
59. The Way - Fastball
60. Real World - Matchbox 20
61. I'll Never Break Your Heart - Backstreet Boys
62. Ray of Light - Madonna
63. Shimmer - Fuel
64. Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground

65. Hey Now Now - Swirl 360
66. Doo Wop (That Thing) Lauren Hill
67. Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
68. Can't Get Enough Of You Baby - Smash Mouth

69. Adia - Sarah McLachlen
70. Bitter Sweet Symphony - the Verve
71. Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim

72. Never Ever - All Saints
73. Brick - Ben Folds Five
74. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger

75. Turn Back Time - Aqua

WOW, was there a LOT OF CRAP that year....

Saturday, December 02, 2006

So Much For The High Ground...

Borrowed from someone on the PVP forums...

After “Seinfeld” regular Michael Richards screamed racial epithets at two hecklers at a comedy club in West Hollywood, Calif., he “went to look for them, [but] they had gone,” he said. “I’ve tried to meet them, to talk to them, to get some healing.” So where did Frank McBride and Kyle Doss go?

To Gloria Allred, a civil rights lawyer. She complains Richards “has not apologized to his victims directly, face to face, man to man.” But then again, she said, “Our clients were vulnerable…. He singled them out and he taunted them, and he did it in a closed room where they were captive.” Therefore, she says, “It’s not enough to say ‘I’m sorry’.” She thus suggests Richards should meet with McBride and Doss before a retired judge, who would suggest monetary compensation as a way to avoid a lawsuit. (AP)

Available for a reasonable price: McBride and Doss’s dignity.
Already sold for less: Allred’s dignity.


Friday, December 01, 2006

Profanity-Laced Festivities!

Well, they fixed the problems in my house... we'll see how long that lasts! Still, I have to say, I was pleased with their service after they got back to the place, so I'm not MAD... just irritated.

Anyways, here's my profane playlist for the season!

My last Christmas album I made:

* The Arrogant Worms - Christmas in Ignace
* Weezer - The Christmas Song
* Better than Ezra - Merry Christmas Eve
* Blink 182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas
* Blink 182 - The Fucking Christmas Song
* Bob & Doug MacKenzie - 12 Beers of Christmas
* Red Peters - Holy Shit, It's Christmas
* Monty Python feat. Gary Glitter - Christmas in Heaven
* Mr Oogie Boogie - The Oogie Boogie Song
* Radio Free Vestibule - Christmas on Acid
* Southpark - Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel
* Southpark - It's Hard To Be A Jew On Christmas
* Southpark feat. Mr Mackey - Carol of the Bells
* Southpark feat. Mr Garrisson - Merry Fucking Christmas
* The Eels - Christmas is Going to the Dogs
* Tom Waits - Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis
* The Muppets feat. Statler & Waldorf - Marley & Marley
* Monster Magnet - Dead Christmas
* Holly Cole - Santa Baby
* Everclear - Santa Baby
* The Arrogant Worms - Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass
* Wierd Al - The Night Santa Went Crazy
* Mojo Nixon - Boogie Woogie Santa Claus
* Kermit the Frog - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Yes, it's profane, but it's all festive, and shit!

Merry Freakin' December

So, you all know that last month when the dishwasher busted, and water flooded into our subfloor and basement, we called the insurance company and set it up so that these contractors would come in and fix it. Well, they came in on Monday / Tuesday and fixed the structure, and Kami Carpets came in Wednesday / Thursday to fix the floor, put in new lino and baseboards.

Well, we JUST found out they SHOT A FUCKING NAIL THROUGH A HOT WATER PIPE.... know what that means?

We have water underneath our subfloor, and is now dripping into our basement, AND we had to turn off the hot water. Throkky is just about tipped over the edge, since she's been out at the farm, unable to go outside because of the weather, and she's been home since last night with every appliance in our house stacked in the living room, unable to even make macaroni... and now they have to come back AGAIN, fix the floor AGAIN, put down new lino AGAIN, new baseboards AGAIN, and this time NOT SHOOT THE FUCKING HOT WATER PIPES WITH NAILS...

... and who knows how long it's going to take. For the excess of four grand that we're paying them, it had really, really, really be done before I get home from work.


UPDATE: It's morning, 8:55am, and they showed up with a plumber. I'll keep you posted!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

A Huge Step Forwards!

General Motors announced yesterday that they were going to research a rechargeable plug-in hybrid vehicle, in order to distance itself from it's image as a maker of gas-guzzling SUV's. Plug-in hybrids have the ability to sharply increase fuel efficiency by using advanced batteries.

This would, indeed, be a huge step forwards if they hadn't actually made the fucking car ten years ago, then destroyed them all.

See, this is why I'm not a CEO of a corporation. Pledging to do something half-assed ten years after you did a great job of it seems to me to be a slightly inefficient way to go about running one of the biggest companies in the world, but it must be working, otherwise they wouldn't have done it, right?


Monday, November 27, 2006

Well, There You Have It.

The page counter people say 35 people came to my page.

My own method shows...... two.

All righty then.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Testing My View Counter, So COMMENT!


Just go down, and comment, even if it's anonymously. I call bullshit that I've gotten about 30 views per day, since I can go months without getting comments except for one or two people I know in real life, so I'd like EVERYONE WHO READS THIS TO COMMENT!!!

Thank you!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Unhandicapped People Suck

Used without permission from the PVP thread-page, in regards to how the podcast discriminates against people who are deaf:

Yet on the main issue, there are deaf people reading this webcomic (and I am one of them) and the constant issues of hearing people never attempting to see it eye to eye with the Deaf community is not overly surprising. In fact it’s kind of sad that hearing people try to justify the lack of attempts to involve the deaf people (since any race or ethics can still hear and understand the english language, even if it’s thier second language) by creating a fair use of community interactions by providing informations not based on sounds. Well, take care ya’all. I’m off to stuffing my face with homemade food.

So… YOU’RE not handicapped… WE'RE just jerks.

Do paraplegics get mad at linedancing classes? Do diabetics get mad at the Hersheys company? Do people with cancer get mad at hairdressers? Do black people get mad that they never seen to get to be Santa in TV movies?


Do you send letters to instrumentalist musicians for not posting their sheet music online so you can enjoy it? Do you toss off angry e-mails to the television networks for not better describing the background sounds in the closed captioning? Do you beat up birds for their desire to prevent you from hearing their twittering?


But deaf people can deride the entire concept of podcasting, because it excludes them? If you can’t hear, then by very definition that excludes you from doing things hearing-related. Yes, nearly EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE is accessible to you, including CNN subtitles, DVD subtitles, and whatnot… but sometimes, just sometimes, things happen that you might not get to be a part of.

While you’re stuffing your face on this Thanksgiving while billions go without food, I'd like you to think about just how rude and inconsiderate we hearing people are to you hard-of-hearing folk.

To Order A Transcript Of This Conversation...

... just have a laptop handy when your son is being gregarious in the extreme. I was typing as fast as I could and I may have missed a few things... but enjoy.

Seb: I made up a play today, with puppets.

Dad: Really? What play?

Seb: The Adventures of Apple.

Dad: Cool! Apples have adventures?

Seb: Yeah, when I threw my apple down the street and it rolled and rolled and rolled. The play is "I Threw Stuff: The Apple Adventures." (That is verbatim, I added the quotes...)

Dad: Wow.

Seb: Yeah, I'm the boy who threw the apple, and the apple, and mommy is the apple puppet.

Dad: That's a cool play.

Seb: Yeah. Why are green apples green apples?

Dad: Uhm... because they're green?

Seb: Yeah! Which are yucky pples?

Dad: Uhm... Spartans. But they're good in pie.

Seb: What are the bestest apples? The bestest green ones.

Dad: Granny Smith.

Seb: HAHAHAH! Why are they grandma apples?

Dad: Because she invented hem.

Seb: You have to say Super Coyote Fight-Ups go!

Dad: .... what?

Seb: I'm doing fight-ups. The super zombie dragon.... skeleton.... monster.... soldier.... coyote fightups. (He playes a lot of Heroes III)

Dad: Ok. Fight-ups go.

Seb: NO! You have to say No FIGHTING, then ALMOST FIGHTING, then FIGHTUPS GO.

Dad: Ooohhh, ok. No fighting.... almost fighting.... fight-ups go.

Seb: (thrashes like hes running)

Dad: Why are you running? I thought it was a fight.

Seb: It's a RACING fight! I have to run fast and conk them!

Dad: Conk them?

Seb: Conk! With my bundle of thunder arrows and fire swords!

Dad: You have thunder arrows?

Seb: Yeah, with THUNDER BOLTS! What are you typing?

Dad: What you're saying, about the thunder arrows and stuff.

Seb: And the song?

Dad: What song?

Seb: The song I liked when I was tiny like Poppy.

Dad: Which song is that?

Seb: The song where you go "Run run run", and "Budge budge budge", and then there's guitar, and the rest of the guitar, and then big finish!

Dad: I dont know that song.

Seb: Yes you do.

Dad: So, how was your day?

Seb: Great. Is tomorrow Thursday?

Dad: Yup.

Seb: SWIMMING!!!! Does Mommy put Poppy underwater?

Dad: Yup.

Seb: I have a problem. A telling problem. Why didn't you do my eyedrops?

Dad: Mommy did them for you this morning.

Seb: You have to do them. You promised. Not Mommy. OW! My ear! I keep flicking my ear! OW! OW! OW! OW!

Dad: Stop flicking your ear.

Seb: No!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Violent Games Make Me SO DAMN MAD!!!!!!!!

FTFA, since it doesn't like being linked to:

School shoot-out spurs debate to ban violent PC games
By: John Blau
IDG News Service (Düsseldorf Bureau) (22 Nov 2006)

A long-simmering debate in Germany about banning violent computer games is burning again after an aloof teenager on Monday stormed his former high school, shot five people and later killed himself.

The disgruntled 18-year ex-pupil from Emsdetten, Germany, near the Dutch border, was described by students and teachers as a youth with no friends who liked guns and played violent computer shooting games.

The incident brought back memories of a shooting rampage in the eastern German city of Erfurt in 2002 when an alienated former pupil -- and computer games player -- shot 16 people, mostly teachers, and later himself.

Is this still being debated? Violent video games causing kids to go on violent, angry rampages? Let's look at the facts:

1.) The kid got a gun from his father.
2.) The kid went to his school with the gun.
3.) The kid shot up popular kids, and teachers.

Will someone tell me where violent games come into play here?

But fine. Let's extend the definitions of causation:

Large Spoons Cause Obesity
Pencils Cause Spelling Errors
Cars Cause Drunk Drivers

Violent video games are played by 35 million kids in the USA, of whom about 100 bring a gun to school. Bullies prey on 10 million kids in the USA, of whom about 100 bring a gun to school. Despite the 350% greater statistical impact of kids being bullied versus video games, it's hard to ban bullying.... whereas banning video games is so EASY, and gives everyone a plausible scapegoat! When video games are banned, everyone involved can pat themselves on the back because they proved they cared. Then, when school shootings continue to happen, they can look the other way because they've already done everything they could.

Sleep well, heroes. You've done the best you could.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Woooo, Superbowl Sunday!

Well, CANADIAN Superbowl.... The Grey Cup.

Right now, I should be at the farm, kicking it in patio furniture set up in the living room, with the big-screen TV blaring, drinking vodka, eating home-made hotwings, and enjoying this boring, boring sporting event with my inlaws.

But noooooo, I have to be at the office, developing the siting concept for an urban development in the valley, and trying to get a decent song on Pandora.

Ah well... I'll be there for the end of the game, I hope....

Friday, November 17, 2006

Propaganda YAY!

Iran forces you to pray, covers up women, kills dissidents, is making nukes, hates America, despises Democracy... and is conducting cutting-edge stem-cell research!

That's right, folks... in an attempt to garner yet MORE support from the people who ALREADY support smiting Iran, the AP and CNN, under the guidance from some key world governments *cough*USA*cough* are now spreading "news articles" about how Iran, the unholy nation that wants to see America burn in a pollar of nuclear fire, "is also harvesting babies for stem cells for scientific research, possibly for biological warfare".

Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Go back to bed. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this. Shut up. Go back to bed, here's American Gladiators. Here's 57 channels of it. Watch these pituitary retards bang their fuckin' skulls together to congratulate you for living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do as we tell you! You are free to do as we tell you!

Ok, ok, that one article actually has a pretty positive slant to it, as well as a BBC article, but I dare you tu turn on CNN or HN or MSNBC tonight, and see what THEY have to say.

Middle Eastern Supertechnology

Tech level twelve, I believe!

This is pretty cool, discovering that carbon nanotubes, the "technology of the future", has been used in weapons of warfare for nearly two thousand years. For those who don't know, Damascus Steel is renowned throughout the world for being super-top-quality blades, rivalling the Japanese swordsmiths of the age, as well as having the cool dark and white banded stripes all over the metal that has never been duplicated. True Damascus manufacturing was lost in the 1800's, so a dozen ways have been made to make SIMILAR blades, but never the real thing. But this latest clue, the carbon-nanotube-filled-blades may have uncovered the final key.


Or, you know, excellent metallurgists. Whatever.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Movie Review: Borat

First off, I'd like to talk about my experience at the theater.

The lineup for tickets extented through the lobby, through the vestibule, onto the concrete landing outside the theater, and down the stairs. I myself got into line on the SIDEWALK below the stairs below the landing outside the theater, and we waited 35 minutes to get tickets to the LATE show, since the early was filled. We got to the theater an hour before the late show, and ended up, like, 30th in line for seats, being an HOUR early. And despite the soundproofing, we also could hear the thunderous laughter from inside the theater.

THEN the movie started.

Some parts were a bit confusing for me, as I've only ever seen one episode of Da Ali G Show, and only one four-minute Borat segment, and I didn't know the whole anti-Semetic backstory (which is hilarious, since SBC is a devout Jew). Some parts seemed to drag, since they had to set up the movie, but some parts... oh my god...

I thought I was going to barf from laughing at one point. No movie has done that since I saw MST3K:TM for the first time, six years ago. The bizarre and unbelievable naked argument-fight in the hotel room, which spilled out into the hallway, the elevator, and finally into a meeting for accountants in the hotel ballroom (where SBC had stationed two cameraguys HOURS before) resulted in ten minutes of uninterupted laughter, screaming, and peeing from the entire audience (one girl did pee, we could hear her freaking out).

The movie is insane, and while the whole point of the movie is to catch Americans with their guards down, the hilarity continues into the real world, where half of the people filmed on the show, as well as THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF KAZAHKSTAN, are launching lawsuits against the movie. True, while some of the frat boys are NEVER getting laid again after their "women and slavery" discussion, KAzahkstan should find itself lucky to be made this well known, particularly since at no point in the movie are they IN Kazahkstan, or SPEAKING Kazahk, and only one person FROM Kazahkstan was in the movie. Get over it, world. It's a comedy. Laugh.


So Who Thinks Humanity Sucks?

I mean, let's just check out some of the news articles this morning:

A psychopathic killer kills again due to substandard care.

People actually have to ARGUE whether or not rape is "bad".

US Marine gets 18 months for murdering an unarmed foreign national.

Man gets 25 years in prison for taking prescription painkillers after a car accident. (Old article, but it highlights the above article)

US Marine pleads guilting to raping 14 year old girl, and killing her family. Best and brightest, indeed.

Now lets look at the POSITIVE articles for today...


I got nothing.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Pure Liquid Awesome

Thanks to Perchta for accidentally helping me to come up with my new MSN name, "Pure Liquid Awesome". This has also been incorporated into two of my stories, as well as being in the running for what I'll call my first album. And since she needs more Upbeat Music, I present to you.... Upbeat Music For Your Eyes!

Death From Above 1979 - Pull Out (Push In)

Butthole Surfers - Pepper

Spacehog - In The Meantime

PUSA - Mach 5

Paul Gross - 32 Down On The Robert MacKenzie

Alter Bridge - One Day Remains (Live!)

Foo Fighters - Everlong

Incubus - Privilege (Live)

Henry Rollins vs Nardwuar

Stick THAT in your brain and smoke it!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Important News!

Since no-one reads my reviews, I have decided to simply cut the charade and merge the reviews. That way, people can continue to not get all their unimportant information in the same place! Thusly, I will now link to all my reviews, for easy sorting.

Movie Reviews: Fearless & The Protector

Television Review: The New Shows

Music Review: Top Five Review - "Rock"

Music Review: Top Five Review - "Metal"

Music Review: Wierd Cover Songs

Holiday Review: Valentines Day

Television Review: Childrens Programming Part II

Literary Review: The Selected Works Of Dean Koontz

Cuisine Review: Beef Stroganoff

Biology Review: The Common Fucking Cold

Game (P)Review: Colonization II (2007)

Holiday Review: Christmas

Movie Review: Nothing

Movie Review: Team America, World Police

Movie Review: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Movie Review: The Cave

Music Review: Clutch - Robot Hive / Exodus

Movie Review: Four Brothers

Movie Review: The Island

Movie Review: Batman Begins

Movie Review: Sin City

Movie Review: Ong-Bak, The Thai Warrior

Movie Review: Ocean's Twelve

Game (P)review: Master of Orion III

Movie Review: Blade Trinity

Television Review: The Daily Show

Political Review: Jury-Draw Governmental Elections

Television Review: Childrens Programming

Game Review: The Works of Sid Meier

Movie Review: Suspect Zero

Social Review: Politics

Music Review: Monster Magnet, Last 3 Albums

Society Review: Money

Science Review: Air

Nature Review: Chickens

Music Review: Clutch - Blast Tyrant

Also, thanks to Mothshade for actually READING BACK, for some reason, and commenting! It gives me a warm, fuzzy, stalkerish feeling!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

White People Suck

So last night, I got to endure something I put my mom through about twenty-two years ago, when I was the same age as my son is now. Here is now my best reconstruction of the Adorable Quote Of The Day, as it occurred last night at Taka Sushi:

Me: Uhm, not sure which nigiri I want.
Waitress: Well, what have you tried?
Son: Dad, can I ask a question?
Me: (thinking that it's about more rice) Sure.
Son: Why does she talk so different?
Me: (staring at menu) Uhm..... uhm... that's a hard question...
Waitress: (smiling) Because I am from China.
Wife: You see, like our friend G is from Poland, and he has an accent, this lady is from China, and she has an accent.
Me: Uhm, I've had Tai Nigiri a few times...
Waitress: (with a big smile) It's ok, he's just curious.
Me: (trying to crawl into the menu) Tobiki, maybe...
Son: (now covering his mouth and making loud growling noises, for some unknown reason)

This is comparable to me talking to my mom while walking through Marpole about 20 years ago, and me asking VERY loudly on a fairly crowded street where we were the only white people...

Me At Age Four: What do you mean, nationality?

You got me, Mom. It took you twenty years, but you got me.

Jon Stewart Sings The Presidents Eclectic!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It's That Time Again!

It's that time again: The Wheel of Morality! Also known as American Mid-term Elections! Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn... tell us the lesson that we should learn...

Now, like most North Americans, I don't understand the US governmental system, so I did a little bit of research, and here's what I came up with:


Nothing in the extensive libraries of Wiki, or, could tell me exactly what went on during the mid-term election, which is apparently where we keep the President, and change his lackeys. It gives people a general idea of how people are feeling about Bush, but it does not give people the ability to choose who will lead their country, so it's basically just a popularity poll, and a two-year rotation on the people who can take blame for America's actions.

The best coverage, so far, has been from the BBC:

So it all sounds fairly promising, then. The television advertisements I've been watching have almost all been negative. The overwhelming impression is that hundreds of criminals, rapscallions and ne'er do wells are currently on the loose on the streets of the United States all seeking election for the opposing political party. The Democrat campaign seems to boil down to one phrase: "We're not George Bush." And the Republican campaign is similarly taut: "We're not George Bush, either."

In non-snarky coverage, they have this to say:

Correspondents say that Democratic control of even one house of Congress would mean legislative gridlock. It would enable the Democrats to hold greater influence on Congressional committees, launch investigations into the war in Iraq, limit spending in Iraq and stall other Bush administration policies. Voters are also choosing governors in 36 states.

Ok, so new governors are being picked... there, that make's a little sense. Good to see that Great Britain doesn't mind me finding out how the most powerful government on the planet works.

Go, Americans, go! It's mid-term election time! Get out there and disgrace democracy one more time!

For those of you who still don't understand, here it is with simple animation, singing, dancing, and swearing: Jon Stewarts Midterm Election Educational Video! Squeeze your nutsacks with knowledge!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Tae Kwon D'oh!

So, after long and careful deliberation with my wife, and her Spousal Opinion Generator, I have decided to stop going to Tae Kwon Do. There are several reasons for this, which I will outline:

1.) I am not learning anything new.
2.) They are mostly mocking what I've learned before.
3.) We are very specifically being taught how NOT to defend one's self.
4.) I am sick of the snide comments from the more fit black belts when I can't do as many sprints as they do.
5.) The flying spinning kicks being encouraged makes me a little confused.
6.) I am now not productive on two more nights a week by going to this class.
7.) I am spending LESS time with my son.
8.) I can get more and better exercise by staying home and demolishing the heavy bag in my basement, then going for a walk with my son.

I do respect Mr Pepper, who is in charge of the class, but I would rather learn an effective martial art than a sport that I'll never actually compete in, even for fun.

Bye Bye, Birthday!

I'm 26 now. Go me. Go me.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Take That, Bismarck!

You paid attention during 91% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?

Go, Jalapeno.... you rock now... go Jalapeno... kick some ass now... UNH!

You thrust your pelvis, UNH! You thrust your pelvis, UNH! You thrust your pelvis, UNH! You thrust your pelvis, UNH!


I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from....

Moral Outrage Time!

US Government Shuts Down Audit Of US Iraq Reconstruction

FTA: The Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction has embarrassed the US administration with its reports on corrupt practices, but Washington lawmakers have reacted with shock at the discovery that an obscure clause in a military spending bill will terminate the work of the auditor.

That's right... the Military Spending bill includes a law to KEEP PEOPLE FROM AUDITING MILITARY SPENDING!

That may be the best thing I've read all week.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

And Now, Shakespeare's Greatest Soliloquy...

... in haxor, baby.

70 b3 0r n07 70 b3, 7h47 i5 7h3 qu357i0n — \/\/h37h3r '7i5 n0b13r in 7h3 mind 70 5uphph3r 7h3 51in65 4nd 4rr0w5 0ph 0u7r4630u5 ph0r7un3, 0r 70 74k3 4rm5 464in57 4 534 0ph 7r0ub135, 4nd by 0pp05in6, 3nd 7h3m. 70 di3, 70 5133p — N0 m0r3; 4nd by 4 5133p 70 54y w3 3nd 7h3 h34r7-4ch3 4nd 7h3 7h0u54nd n47ur41 5h0ck5 7h47 ph135h i5 h3ir 70 — '7i5 4 c0n5umm47i0n ][)3v0u71y 70 b3 wi5h'd. 70 di3, 70 5133p — 70 5133p, p3rch4nc3 70 dr34m. 4y, 7h3r3'5 7h3 rub, Ph0r in 7h47 5133p 0ph d347h wh47 dr34m5 m4y c0m3, \/\/h3n w3 h4v3 5huphph13d 0phph 7hi5 m0r741 c0i1, /\/\u57 6iv3 u5 p4u53. 7h3r3'5 7h3 r35p3c7 7h47 m4k35 c414mi7y 0ph 50 10n6 1iph3, Ph0r wh0 w0u1d b34r 7h3 whip5 4nd 5c0rn5 0ph 7im3, 7h'0ppr3550r'5 wr0n6, 7h3 pr0ud m4n'5 c0n7um31y, 7h3 p4n65 0ph d35pi53d 10v3, 7h3 14w'5 d314y, 7h3 in5013nc3 0ph 0phphic3, 4nd 7h3 5purn5 7h47 p47i3n7 m3ri7 0ph 7h'unw0r7hy 74k35, \/\/h3n h3 him531ph mi6h7 hi5 qui37u5 m4k3 \/\/i7h 4 b4r3 b0dkin? wh0 w0u1d ph4rd315 b34r, 70 6run7 4nd 5w347 und3r 4 w34ry 1iph3, Bu7 7h47 7h3 dr34d 0ph 50m37hin6 4ph73r d347h, 7h3 undi5c0v3r3d c0un7ry phr0m wh053 b0urn N0 7r4v3113r r37urn5, puzz135 7h3 wi11, 4nd m4k35 u5 r47h3r b34r 7h053 i115 w3 h4v3 7h4n ph1y 70 07h3r5 7h47 w3 kn0w n07 0ph? 7hu5 c0n5ci3nc3 d035 m4k3 c0w4rd5 0ph u5 411, 4nd 7hu5 7h3 n47iv3 hu3 0ph r3501u7i0n 15 5ick1i3d 0'3r wi7h 7h3 p413 c457 0ph 7h0u6h7, 4nd 3n73rpri535 0ph 6r347 pi7ch[1] 4nd m0m3n7 \/\/i7h 7hi5 r364rd 7h3ir curr3n75 7urn 4wry, 4nd 1053 7h3 n4m3 0ph 4c7i0n.

Yeah, baby. Feel the Genius of the Bard.

Feeling a little better today than... earlier today, now that I've had time to ingest everything, mull it over, vent, have a Coke, and relax a little bit. I went for a walk with Junior tonight, since the excercise is good for his knees, and it's hardly bad for my fat ass, either. Along the way, among the many things we talked about, we had this discussion:

Son: "We should go home, it's too dark out."
Dad: "It doesn't matter if it's dark, I'm here with you."
Son: "Yeah, but Mommy will be worried."
Dad: "She's not worried, because you're with me."
Son: "Why is you're with me not make her worried?"
Dad: "Because I'm here to protect you."
Son: "But there's lots of scary things."
Dad: "Yeah, and she knows I'm scarier than all of them."
Son: "Are you scarier than all of the things out here that are scary?"
Dad: "Darn right."
Son: "What about cars sneaking up on us and running us over?"
Dad: "I'm way scarier than them."
Son: "Is that because you have boots, and you kick them?"
Dad: "You bet. I'm way scarier than cars."
Son: "What about monsters?"
Dad: "I hit them until they run away, too."
Son: "Good. Hitting monsters is good. Mom isn't worried now."

And one of my all-time favorite thread-pics...

Wonderful Link Du Jour - The Surprisingly Awesome Linking Park Matrix Burly-Fight Remix

"So he'll probably get better... or worse."

Thank you, Modern Medical Fucking Science.

So we take Daughter to the doctor to see about her cough. "It's bronchitis, she'll get better in the next few days... or she'll get worse. If she get's worse, come back." She's worse. Thanks.

But to trump that times a billion, we take Son to BC Childrens Hospital. The good news: we didn't need to cut his knee open because apparently the inflammation isn't TOO severe, and the medicine is doing it's job. The bad news? It's spread to his other knee, as well as his eyes. He has to stay on the Naproxen, as well as start topical steroidal eyedrops to try and fix his eyes, before it gets too bad and he goes blind. On the way out, we were assured that he'll probably get better... or worse. We have to go back in six weeks to see which it is.

Thank you so very, very much for explaining the two options to me. Without you there, I'd never have known that something like an idiopathic disease could have two possible outcomes, or that one of them could result in my son being blind and crippled. Thank you from the bottom of my bile-filled heart.

But Son, in typical fashion, went Trick or Treating for an hour, and I almost broke down when he gave me a great big hug when we got home for "being so nice tonight, and carrying him when his legs got tired, because his legs aren't as strong as my legs". It was just out of nowhere. He went to bed, and we talked about the new eyedrops he'll have to start taking tomorrow, and I think he's OK with it, as long as we're there to give him Kleenex and hugs in between drops.

So, even counting the one where I got cracked in the head with a frozen egg hurled from a passing car that caused me to black out in a Juniper bush, this was the worst Hallowe'en ever.

How are you all doing?

Amuzing linky-poo of the day:Robot Chicken Clips

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Stem Cells...

.... ok, I don't know what you all believe, and frankly I don't care. Thanks to Jon Stewart and, to a lesser degree, the public media, I've been learning a lot about the battles being waged between these two sides, and I'm going to take a minute and sum up some of the arguments being made.

Amendment 2 Protects The Buying And Selling Of Human Eggs And Embryos

Michael J Fox For An Unbiased Election

And Here, His Medicine Is Not Top Notch

Gambling With Americans!

Now, I can't find a YouTube for the commercial that they aired last night, along the lines of "Stem Cells could cost American women millions of eggs..." and it has this slow, dark, spooky shot of a woman on a bed, hugging herself and crying. So..... scientists are going to come into your house, and forcibly remove your little eggies? Is that what you think is going on?

"President George W Bush is also against the research, and vetoed a controversial bill which would have lifted a ban on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research in July.

"It crosses a moral boundary that our decent society needs to respect, so I vetoed it," he said. "

Because war didn't cross a moral boundary.

Our present policy on human stem cells has been shaped by beliefs that are divorced from every reasonable intuition we might form about the possible experience of living systems. - Sam Harris

They're not going to be rummaging around in there and sucking out your little unborn gas station attendants, America... let's define some terms.

Stem Cells - in humans are primal undifferentiated cells that retain the ability to produce an identical copy of themselves when they divide (clone) and differentiate into other cell types. In higher animals this function is the defining property of the deleted cells. Stem cells have the ability to act as a repair system for the body, because they can divide and differentiate, replenishing other cells as long as the host organism is alive. Non-embryonic stem cells can be extracted from bones, from the spine, and from organ donors.

Embryonic Stem Cells - stem cells derived from the inner cell mass of a blastocyst, which is an early stage embryo - approximately 4 to 5 days old in humans - consisting of 50-150 cells. Embryonic stem cells are pluripotent, meaning they are able to differentiate into all derivatives of the three primary germ layers: ectoderm, endoderm and mesoderm. In other words, they can develop into each of the more than 200 cell types of the adult body when given sufficient and necessary stimulation for a specific cell type. When given no stimuli for differentiation, ESCs will continue to divide in vitro and each daughter cell will remain pluripotent.

Long story short, the Embryonic ones are more versatile and powerful, but by no means the only ones available in there.

The Wiki articles for stem cells have been HUGELY purged because they were being used as a battle ground. I remember last year reading that millions of babies would have to be created, and then murdered, in order to get enough embryonic stem cells to make preliminary research worthwhile, and it included god-damn pictures of.... well, I don't want to turn away my readers with a description. A week later, the same page talked about how embryonic stem cells could be extracted safely from babies in a few years, while still in vitro, and the babies would continue to grow and develop normally, and these kids would then have, in storage, a lifetime supply of potent stem-cells available to help them with any medical problems they may encounter.

Now, right now, I'll admit that I don't have enough information to be truly informed about this. I'm not a biologist, I'm not Michael J Fox, and I'm certainly not a Catholic priest. But I do know bullshit scare tactics when I see it.

And now, to lighten the mood a little bit...

And now, some facts you may not know about fish:

The Leaning Tower of Pisa is made of fish.

Fish rhymes with electricity, bundle, and pyjamas.

There are three kinds of fish... trout, salmon, and Lionel the Intelligent Fish who wears a suit and has an apartment.

There is enough fish in the Atlantic to feed everyone in Canada, except for Sean Fergusson of Calgary, who will have to settle for some rice, and a salad.

Fish are notoriously afriad of donuts, hence the expression "The fish is afraid of the donut".

My uncle married a fish.

The song, "Hey, Look At That Fish" is the only song about fish that uses the word "cumberbund".

Abraham Lincoln was allergic to walnuts.

In some cultures, it is considered socially unusual to tie a fish to your head and tweet like a doormouse.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Why Did I Just Pay You $1300?

I mean, let's look at the history here so far.

1.) You take my money, then wait three weeks to send me a laptop computer from Ireland.
2.) You send me a BROKEN computer, with a damaged, nigh-unreadable screen.
3.) You wait two more weeks to send me a replacement laptop, from Toronto this time.
4.) The replacement computer has a damaged, nigh-unreadable DVD Burner (which I tried to ask NOT TO GET, but I wasn't allowed to not get it). Laptop DVD burners are notorious for being completely unable to read CDs.
5.) Anytime I run the Search function, I have to reboot the computer.
6.) Anytime I move more than ten files in Explorer, I have to reboot the computer.
7.) If I'm unlucky enough to accidentally pop in a new CD, I have to reboot the computer.

Tell me, what is the "Dell Advantage" of the "Blazing Fast Dual-Core Processor" and "Windows XP Small Business Edition" I paid substantially more than my monthly mortgage to get, when I am unable to perform tasks that my x86 could handle on Windows 3.1 thirteen years ago?

I'd really, REALLY like to know.

Only upside for today? BroYay!

Monday, October 23, 2006

My Toe Still Hurts...

*whine bitch moan*

Well, after a long weekend of hauling stuff out of the basement, shed, and front porch (the one I will remember for a long time being the ~300 lb air conditioner from 1974 that had some sort of dead racoon in it), dumping it at the city landfill, then putting more stuff into it to go to town, then unloading 24 boxes of laminate flooring, and then changing the tires and breaks on my Buick, it's good to be back at work and being harrangued by my superiors.

Actually, it's not that bad. I solved some major problems with the fire-fighting / parking co-ordination at one project, shot down some ideas on a few others, and generally made myself useful. I expect my managers to be baffled for weeks about this strange turn of events.

My ankle is acting up because I've been walking funny, due to the busted toe issue (it still won't bend backwards properly, or forwards all the way). Now it feels incredibly hot, and all the muscles feel saggy, like they've just been working hard for hours and hours. You know the total-exhaustiong feeling you get in muscles you overwork? You know what I mean guys, eh? Overworked? Certain muscles? Ahh, never mind. My foot feels funny.

Image of the day! Another I made myself.

Music video link du jour: Paranoid Changes

Friday, October 20, 2006

I Got Banned Again

Ah well. I'm told that the mods made some good points after I got IP banned, but since I got IP banned, I can't see what those points were. The amusement factor is still high, though, that they can only hold reasonable, mature discussions after I've been permanently exiled from the discussion.

In the words of my man MLK, One has not only a legal, but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. Now, it may be a little over the top to be quoting a great human rights advocate in regards to my bannings on a furry-themed webcomic forum mostly populated by petulant teenagers, but the fact still stands that the people in charge have little to no understanding on how to run a forum.

Here's some of the things said about me, after I had no chance to rebut:

Yes, they only banned for you not agreeing with your
opinion and didnt ban you for constant idiocy with
Politic threads and other bullshit we don't normally
let here. Why are you wasting your time attempting
to get back into a forum about COMIC BOOK CATS?

Well, because the forum isn't about comic book cats, it's a forum for discussing things with other people (and, sometimes, with smart people). The forum happens to be RUN by a guy who draws comic book cats, but it is still a place where people I consider friends hang out, and where I like to talk about things that are maybe more important than comic book cats, and by doing so, try to educate and enlighten the people there. But, sadly, they still consider politics "bullshit".

Echoes had a sarcastic, but strangely amusing goodbye post, which was impressive, given his history of dull and strangely amusing posts.

Ah well, you guys... I had fun with Tater, Simonov, Ron, and everyone else with a sense of humor and the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide, and I had fun watching the people without a sense of humor who take everything they see seriously rant and freak and swear and obsess around me.

It's been a slice!

I'm going to go hang out at the big-person table now.


Wednesday, October 18, 2006


I made a few this week. Not much to say, just check it out.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Ow, My Fucking Foot....

... at Tae Kwon Do.

Now, I'm only in Tae Kwon Do as a fitness regime, since my regular dojo moved around the same time I did, and it's now more than half an hour away. I do not consider WTF TKD a martial art... it's a sport. Nothing more. You are taught to score points according to strict rules, and so far, everyone I've met in TKD who wears a black belt makes me a little bit ashamed to be in the same class as them.

Last night, my sixth class, we got into heavy full-contact sparring. I have all my own gear except for a helmet, so I borrowed one and lined up with the rest of them. At first I was fighting with the lower belts, until Sensei (not a sensei in TKD, but I forget his title) decided to try since he knew I had a lot of previous experience. So me and the Sensei square off, and he only lands two shots because I know how to block. After the bout he says that I block better than his black belts.

This does not go over good with the younger, more athletic black belts.

Five more fights, and I am getting really tired but still holding my own, defensively. My last fight is against this tally skinny high-school mid-belt, a green. My first kick is struck down with extreme prejudice by a well-placed fist, and


my toe makes a nauseatingly crispy sound.

So now I'm sitting here, my foot is swollen up, I'm on Robax Platinums, and limping around while I get ready for work.

Stupid green belts, making me look bad...

So, who wants music? Humble Pizza Pizza Pie!

And for amusing pictures, I had a few I had to share....

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Friday, October 13, 2006

NaNo, No Sleep, Sleep Mode...

So again, I'm the only Y-chromo in Kamloops in NaNo. Three years running... I guess the pulp mill isn't condusive to creative writing, which is just sad. Even so, there's only three girls on the NaNo Kamloops board, so our attendance is down from even LAST year. More's the pity, I suppose... Kamloops has enough crazy people to get some awesome literature done.

Also, I woke up briefly at 1am when Poppy woke up, and I drifted in and out while she struggled mightily with Steph. At 2am, I held her while Steph made a bottle, and she struggled mightily even more. I drifted in and out until 3am, when Steph said it was my turn. I got up with Poppy and sat in the recliner (the very uncomfortable recliner) where she struggled mightily until 5am, when I managed to put her back into bed. Then she woke up at 5:15, and I was up until about 5:30. Then I woke up aroung 7am, my reflex, and just tried to stay in bed until Steph nudged me at 7:45, and I figured I should probably drag my ass to work. Thanks, sweeties.

Oh, and Seb broke my N64.

So now I'm in "Away Mode" for the rest of the day... Windows users will know what I mean. I feel stretched thin, and I can see the individual lines in my hands when I look at them, and it's really bright around the edge of my field of vision. Whee, it's just like coming down from a seizure!

EDIT: I also had to go home at lunch, through a one-lane choke on the highway, both ways, and open an unlocked door for my wife.

Who wants funny videos? Who, I say? Behold, the Gopher-moat!

And funny music? Take THIS! Trigun One!

And finally, amusing pictures. Wheee.

Now go away. I'm tired.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Yeah, Yeah, "Every Day", Right, Topper..

... so my "every day" posting is usually "whenever I get time on the computer, and a sense of inspiration" which is very, very rare. Most of the time on the computer I just try and relax and forget about my day, and that's not condusive to writing anything deep and coherent... or even shallow and blurby. Hell, I can barely post "You guys are fucking retards" on my forums at that stage. Killing monsters in various games is the extent of my mental abilities.

And then I go to bed.

Well, today, I got a break with most of the senior management out of the office, and most of my co-workers talking about how mental visualisations let them win lotteries and bend spoons and stuff. This is sufficiently whacky enough for me to try writing something.

Have you ever had so much of your favorite food that, for a brief period, you just don't want any more? It's for that reason that I shouldn't be allowed to go shopping when I'm hungry, because if I have any more crackers and cheese (I'm a carb freak) I'm either going to throw up, or stop pooping just COMPLETELY.

There. Did that make your Thursday? How'd that work for you?

I'm going to stick the Free Mp3 of the Day into the text here, so I can talk about it. Does anyone think that Scott Kurtz's interview with Adam West is ACTUALLY Adam West? It could be just an awesome voice actor, but if Adam West is really that batshit insane in real life, then he's EVEN COOLER THAN BEFORE! Warning: The mp3 involves hot naked soup-baths, talking about Adam's tights, and a pod-racing fishing show. You are WARNED!

Also, the free VIDEO will be stashed somewhere inside this paragraph, too. See if you can find it! Just a warning.... it's a music video for Soulfly's "Jumpdafuckup"... set to Winnie the Pooh cartoons. If you survive this, you've broken through to the world of AWESOME!

Ok, free picture time!

Kirby gettin' jiggy wit da Snoop, yo!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Doo Bee Doo Bee Dooo......

As some people have to poignantly reminded me lately (including a total stranger from PVP), I have a blog, and they have empty lives in need of fulfillment. A special kind of fulfillment. The kind of fulfillment that can only be provided by an overweight and overworked father of two in the middle of Canada's western province. Go figure. I'm happy I'm not you guys... I get my fulfillment from Jon Stewart and Motorhead. ROCK!

Ok, ok, so you want me to write something deep? Meaningful? As Jon Stewart said on Crossfire, "I will not be your monkey". I will, however, perform for treats, and as my wife has just handed me some cookies, there will me laughter and merriment galore!

NaNo is starting in EXARCTLY one month, and just to get writers in the mood, NaNo has decided to.... to shut down it's forums. Yeah. No-one can post anymore. Yeah. Way to go, guys. Get 80,000 writers onto a forum, and a month before the highlight of their literary year is set to start, they take away our ability to write to eachother. *slow clapping* Congratulations. Somewhere, a Wal-Mart is marking down prices on Pizza Pops and Kool-Aid telling people they can't have any.

So, did anyone see Heroes? Does anyone think that, just maybe, the writers on that show need to be told that lifting dialogue directly from four-color print comics perhaps won't work well with live-action people? That maybe some sort of, oh, I don't know, "eh-dit-ing" might be required? Possibly to update the language so that it sounds like something humans might say? I'm stoked on the concept (WOO! Superheroes!), I'm stoked on the characters (WOO! Strip-whore mom!), and I'm stoked on Adrian Pasdar (WOO! Jim Profit! WOO!), but the show is not trying very hard to get me to keep watching.

Also, speaking of superheroes and comic books... why the hell is Tony Stark being made a NON-ALCOHOLIC for the Ironman movie? Seriously, what the hell? It's JON fucking FAVREAU, and he's changing Tony Stark from bubbly remorseful alcoholic into chipper upbeat Tony Stark? That's like making Venom a skinny little pale... oh, wait, Sam Raimi is doing that right now (but it's still Topher Grace, so I'll slightly forgive him). Ok, then it's just like making a Transformers movie and making Optimus Prime something other than a semi-truck, and... oh wait, they're doing that, too. Ok, it's like making a Superman movie and... and... ok, it's like making an X-Men movie and making Dark Phoenix a complete pushover, and...

Oh, god DAMMIT, I hate Hollywood.

The worst part about Tony Stark not being a substance abuser? He's being played by Robert Downey Jr! WHAT THE HELL!!! Why pick Robert Downey Jr to play an alcoholic superhero IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE HIM DRINK?!?!?!? At least Topher Grace has godly acting chops, at least Optimus Prime still looks cool, and at least Hugh Jackman still comes off as badass, but COME ON!

*head explodey*

There, was that deep enough for you guys?

I got perma-banned from NPF again. This time, though, they keep inviting me to come back just so they can ban be again. Amusingly, I was banned for arguing with one specific poster, Adamark, and while he was not even chastised, I was permanently banned. Again. I'm starting to think that I need a forum where I can talk about stuff like this and not get banned, because the only person I know I can even vaguely discuss things like politics with is my wife, and since we watch and read all the same shows and articles, and more or less share the same views, it doesn't have the jab and thrust, the give and take, as a real discussion does (although it does sound naughty, doesn't it?)

Ok, enough of all that stuff. Let's get to the free links and pictures, otherwise you people will get mad and not come back, and then who will read my evanescent rantings?

Free Music Videos Of The Day: Anime AMV - Van Halen's Right Now

Amusing Pic of the Day:

Sebby's Quote of the Day - This one is more of a dialogue, and bear with me, I am trying to recreate this from memory:

Seb: "Ok, that is your goal (points to the shed) and this is my goal (points to a section of fence) and the ball goes in the middle. Ok?"
Me: "Ok. Go!"

*we play for a little bit*

Me: "Yay, I scored! One to zero."
Seb: "No, you didn't, your points are dirty." (Mimes taking a point off of a score board, and scrubbing it, then throwing it away.)
Me: "What? What do you mean?"
Seb: "It's the rules of soccer, the ball was in the dirt, so the point was dirty, I threw it away."

*we play for a little more*

Seb: "Yay, I scored!"
Me: "No, you didn't, you hit the gardenbox."
Seb: "That's your goal now, too."
Me: "Since when?"
Seb: "Since I got invisible players." (points to the fenceposts)
Me: "How come you get invisible players?"
Seb: "Because they're near my goal. Those are your players." (points to flowers)

*seb goes to his side of the yard, and talks to the fenceposts*

Seb: (to fencepost) "How are you doing? Are we winning? Daddy's good at soccer, but he gets dirty points."
Me: "I wan't better invisible players."
Seb: "No."

*we play for a bit*

Me: (kicking the ball into a fencepost) "Awww, he blocked me."
Seb: "Yeah, he's better than you! HAHAHAH! I get another point!"
Me: "What, why?"
Seb: "I took your point and washed it, now it's mine!" (mimes putting a point from his pocket onto a scoreboard)

I so completely can't keep up with my four year old son.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Wake Me When September Ends

I couldn't think of a good title.... can you tell?

Well, August 31st. Hot diggity. Let's see, what's in the news today?

I bought an N64! I rented my favorite game! I see it when I close my eyes! ACK! That's right, F-Zero X... the greates, and fastest racing game in the Universe. What makes it so cool? Well, it has 30 cars to chose from, and to race on 24 tracks on four difficulty levels, and you have to beat various tracks on various difficulties to unlock more cars. There's ramps, theres loops, there's inverted tracks, there's tubes, there's inverted tubes, theres half-pipes, there's land-mines... there's everything. But you wanna know what this racing game has that no other racing game has ever been able to duplicate?

A Random Race generator.

That's right. No matter how good you get, no matter which car you use, you can hit Random Race, and get a course no-one has ever seen before, and get your ass whupped, or hurled into space, or just blown up. It's amazing... hairpin curves, upside-down jumps (instant death!) or maybe just a field of lava that slowly melts your car... this game has it all!

In other news, Poppy cut her first tooth! At three months old! Truth be told, if you take into account that she was late, and go from her DUE date, then she is three months and three weeks, so just one week ahead of the standard "normal" time for a kid to cut their teeth early, but this is still way early! We hope to have her potty trained by Christmas.

Allright, time for some fun links to keep you people coming back....

Free Song / Music Video: Stroke 9 - How Many People Wanna Kick Some Ass (feat. Jay & Silent Bob)

Free Funny Video: Hugh Laurie & Stephen Fry - Tony Control

Amusing Pic Of The Day:

Sebby's Quote Of The Day:
"Daddy, it's time for you to come downstairs and play Nintendo hockey with me. Do what I say."

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Injuries, Drugs, Seizures, Oh My!

I now need an elbow brace to complement my brace of braces (brace, in this case, meaning 'pair'). My left hand's terminus fingers (pinky and ring) are now pretty much numb. They feel cold and hot at the same time, but they don't pick up much in the way of pressure sensation, certainly not cutting (ask me how I know that). The nerve that handles them runs through the elbow, which I've ground down to a nub through years of leaning.

On the flip side, I am now catching up on a lot of my sleep thanks to taking Valerian Root extract pills. I fall asleep faster, and even though I still wake up five times a night, I fall asleep EASIER during those periods. I've been well rested in the mornings. Yesterday mornng, Poppy got me up at 3am. I fed her at 3:30, finished at 4, and at 4:30 she succeeded in convincing me she wasn't sleepy (by screaming and kicking me). So, I get up and watch TV until it's time to go to work, after less than four hours of sleep. Last night, I take my Valerian, go to bed reasonably early (10:40) and Throkky let me sleep until 7am!

So, naturally, at 9am, I had a seizure. Why do I bother catching up on sleep if I have seizures AFTER the catch-up sleep? Gyah!!!

All stressed out now... I have to go drive Throkky home from Seb's soccer class which he said he didn't want to go to... until it was time for me to go to work, when he went postal and said he changed his mind and HAD to go to soccer. Throkky then had to shower, eat, get the kids dressed, and bring them in on the bus so Seb wouldn't be intolerable for the rest of the day (which he will be, anyways.)


Thursday, June 29, 2006

#213 On The List Of Things I'm Now Allowed To Do At Work

#213: Look up "mst3k wikiquote" during office hours. I can't stop giggling. Example:

Servo [as Gregory]: Maybe I dialed wrong. Let me try again. Let's see… "zero".
Crow [as Answering Machine]: Hi. This is the human race. We're not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb.

I've never even seen a single episode of MST3K, and yet I can hear this so perfectly.... dammit, I'm giggling again.

Joel: Oh, terrific — we were saved by the gates of Hell.
Crow: Hey, what is it about the gates of Hell that compels people to wander into 'em?
Joel [as Adman]: It's because of Smuckers raspberry preserves.

Servo: Oh, the world's thrown into chaos — earthquakes, floods — but that's fine; you knit your sock.
Stepmother: Nope! Not a princess.
Servo: She's got that healthy clown glow.
Marfushka: Oh, no?
Stepmother: You are a queen!
Mike: In that you look like Freddy Mercury.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Smug Luddite Bastards...

Why do I even bother getting to work at 8am when the network never works until 9am? I mean, the e-mail is consistently down, the server is consistently down, and every now and then the server will hiccup, forget who has file priority, and save over the changes I've spent eight hours making. Hooray!!

One of the project managers says "Well, Chris, a poor carpenter blames his tools". By his logic, it stands to reason that I, as a poor draftsman, am blaming my tools for the bad job I did... therefore, because the network is down, it's my fault. I think a more apt platitude would be "Well, Dion, a poor carpenter doesn't have tools... a BAD carpenter blames the tools he has." He, as always, just makes some snarky 'you're just a kid and couldn't possibly understand what I REALLY meant' face, and goes back to work, confident in the fact that I have the IQ of a bathroom deodorizer.

What a world I live in! Ah well, I was given a 'sign' yesterday that I survived this round of employee attrition : I was given one of the new, EXPENSIVE electronic keys. Yayy!

Well, this Friday I go down for my grandma's memorial service, complete with explaining to Sebastian exactly what that means, and trying to keep him quiet through all of it. Also, being around my entire family and having to avoid explaining that, no, I can't cry, and to please shut the hell up about it.

Free Song Of The Day:
Killing Joke - Pandaemonium

Amusing Pic Of The Day:
No can do, the network won't let me.

Sebby Quote Of The Day:
"I wasn't asleep, I was just getting comfortable." (In regards to his nap from 6:15pm to 10pm)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Yar, She Be A Remorseless Eating Machine...

Poppy has had three six-ounce meals today, after a week of two-ounce meals. Just... stop... EATING! We need SLEEP! It's EVERYWHERE...

So, record high temperatures today. The thermometer at the farm that was sitting in the sun read 47 degrees, and the one in the shade by the back of the house read 38. The one in the shade by the front read 34, and I can believe it. Wooo! Thanks do our lovely dark-brown metal roof and sub-standard insulation, the cieling inside our living room is noticeably warmer than the shade-side walls. Wheee!

So all last night we have the screened windows and doors open to let in the cool 4am air. At 7am when the sun is just starting it's Easy-Bake routine on our neighborhood, I shut thr windows, shut the doors, shut the blinds, turn on the fans, and put the huge box-fan on the basement stairs to suck the INCREDIBLY cold air from our basement up to the upper floors. Seriously, there is a noticeable 10 degree temperture change when you go down those stairs. Anyway, all day today it was... bearable! It wasn't nauseatingly warm! SUCCESS!

Allrighty, enough of me whining about how much fat people hate high, humid temperatures... let's get to what you all came here for.

Free Song Of The Day:
13 Stitches - Land Of The Strange

Hi-Larious Pic Of The Day - A Three-Parter, And This Is ACTUALLY REAL:

Sebby's Quote Of The Day:
"Did we make my room messy with toys? Then Mommy has to clean it up, because she made the mess. I'll supervise."

Friday, June 23, 2006

And You Are Outta Here!

So one of the new fellers in the office, one of the guys with less seniority but more authority (Well, to be honest, he has like 30 years experience, but he's new to this office) was fired today. Worse, no-one seems to know why, and we're all afraid to as Greg, the boss and partner who did the firing, exactly why. Worst, though, Jason, the fire-ee, was the only one in the office who treated me like anything other than a teenager who didn't understand the world. Other than three people, I've been here loger than anyone else in the office, and while I don't have as much industry experience as many of them, I have picked up a modicum of information about what goes on around here.

On the plus side, our engineer was also fired. This is mostly due to, as far as I can tell, him billing our office for a great many hours, at $110 per hour, for work that I actually did, based off of a 3 minute sketch that the guy faxed over to us two days after I asked him a question. Our new engineer is the guy who took 5 weeks to get an answer from when he agreed to stamp the plans for the house I designed for my friends parents.

All in all, I'm glad I know people who work in other offices who need skilled technologists, since my office is sort of attrition-happy.

Free Song Of The Day: Kamloops Double-Hit!
Dave McLean - And It's Only Tuesday
Cozy Gelpod - Beautiful Thing Sweet Jesus, I love this song...

Picture Of The Day:

Sebby Adorable Quote Of The Day:
"I read all of Hop On Pop by myself, except where I read after you talked and pointed with your finger to the words I don't know, then I read them."

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Newsflash: I'm Not Fucking Psychic

And yet, the people in my office seem to think that I can read their every fucking thought, and have their work done for them before they need it!

My boss's new mantra is "The work gets done in the time allotted." This can be paraphrased as "I'm cutting back everyone's pay, everyone's hours, and expecting all of the jobs to be done in the same amount of time. That way, I can buy my son another sports car while you, the employees, struggle to pay for simple appliance repair fees." Consequently, I worked on not just one project, not just two projects, not just three projects, but FOUR projects today. Four projects totalling well in excess of $200,000,000 , and I had to work on them all today, with four (FOUR) people in the office with less seniority but more authority coming around to my desk every few minutes to hassle me to work on THEIRS. Some drawings HAVENT ACTUALLY EVEN BEEN STARTED, and you want to know why? Back in March, I was ordered not to. That means that today, I get yelled at for doing exactly what they told me to do, because it inconveniences them not to have someone to fucking blame for their shortsightedness.

And yet, I still work there. Go figure.

Pic Of The Day: Double Whammy! (EDIT: Nevermind, Blogger is broken again, I can't use the pics I want :( )

Free Song Of The Day:
Clutch - Bazenhead (Live in Sweden!)

Sebby's Adorable Quote Of The Day:
"Was my cousin zero years old when he came out of Auntie Stephanie's tummy?"

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Infamy: The Immortality Of The Unpopular

"Oh, aye! I'm infamous! I'm wanted in seven countries on nine continents!"

Not much anger today.... had a bunch this week. I dunno where it went... I'll probably find it when I clean my room this weekend, stuffed in behind the laundry basket, festering and growing more radioactive by the hour. No, wait, that's just my laundry...

COntacted today by an old friend from the VG Cats forum (You know, the one I was banned for life from?) So far, he's the first and only person from a place I've been banned to SEEK ME OUT. I feel so touched... this must be how all the dozens of people I've messaged over the years must feel: acceptance. It's a new feeling.

Note: Dentists suck. Even cute DA's who mean well. No, you will not find any loose change under my gums, so STOP PRYING AROUND IN THERE!!!

Free Song Of The Day:

Steve Burns - I Wanna Be Your Alpha Male

Pic of the Day:

Sebby Quote Of The Day:

"Poppy's smiling! Thats how she says she's happy, because she doesn't know words, so she smiles."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

So... I Reproduced, Eh?

Bet no-one expected that!

Here she is, the day she was born.

Here she is, one day later.

And here she is, peaceful and well-fed.

Ain't she adorable?

She was born four weeks ago tomorrow... which means I've gotten 26 sleep-deprived nights (I totally slept in one day during the second week... Thanks, sweetie!) This means I've been a little bit lax on the old blog, and as soon as I can type without having to figure out which keyboard is the real one, and which are imaginary, I'll post more regularly again. Along with my "Free Song Of The Day" and "Pic Of The Day", I will now be including "QOTD: Sebastian". Here goes!

Picture of the Day:

Free Song Of The Day:
Five Horse Johnson - Ten Cent Dynamite.mp3

QOTD: Sebastian
"Why did I have to wake up? I was having a dream where I was grown up big, and you and mommy and me were at the big people pool, and Grandma was there, and she had a drink in a can, and I was big, in the big people pool, and then I woke up." Hee!