Sunday, June 26, 2005

Mighty Max Was The Greatest

It may have been a juvenile cartoon, but it was a mature juvenile cartoon. It has such amazing voice stars as Robert Paulsen, Maurice LaMarche, Richard Moll (Bull from Night Court), Tim Curry, and excellent writing for all of them. To sum up: a kid discovers that his baseball cap lets him travel through time and space in order to fight evil, in accordance with ancient prophecy. To aid our 13 year old star, he has Virgil, a super-intelligent chicken, and Normal, a seven foot tall Norse killing machine. Strangely, these two aren't a WHOLE lot of help. See below for amusing quotes:

Villain: [while being dangled over a cliff by Norman] You can't kill me! If you do, you'll be no better than me!
Norman: [drops him] I can live with that.

Max: Hey Virgil, how come you can't fly?
Virgil: I learned to read instead.

Max: Watch out, Bea! There are...
Bea: Three eerie looking things in black robes behind me?
Max: Yeah. How'd you know?
Bea: Lucky guess.

Max: What are we facing this time? A beast? A monster? A demon?
Man #1: It's a beast!
Man #2: It's a monster!
Man #3: It's a demon!
Max: Ha! Ace Ventura always gets it!

Norman: You want me to break it?
Max: Never mind him, we gotta realign those satellites.
Virgil: I fear that will be impossible. Mega has created a force field around the controls.
Norman: You want me to break it?
Max: That's just about your favorite thing to do, isn't it Normie?

Computer: Please enter the access code.
Virgil: Oh dear. It will take me days to decipher this.
Norman: Allow me. [he punches the door and gets electrocuted]
Norman: Ho! Aah!
Computer: I'm sorry. "Ho, Aah" is not the correct access code. Please try again.
Max: Maybe we should knock?
Virgil: Knock?
Computer: "Knock Knock" is the correct access code.
[door opens]
Computer: Please come in, and wipe your feet.

Also on my weekly immature nostalgia list is BotsMaster, an AmericAnime, quasi-3d ultra-hip story of a billionaire genius and his hyper-advanced AI robot creations. Brought to you by the man, Avi Arad, the Executive Producer for the X-Men movies, the Spiderman movies, the Blade movies, the Punisher movies, and just about every other half-decent comic book adaptation to the big or small screen. It was a good premise, since only 5 characters are humans, and 5000 are robots, you can kill off main characters every week! With gigantic explosions! AND THEN REPAIR THEM! I tell ya, the producers must have had to change their underpants every five minutes thinking this one up. Even so, it was somewhat funny, and for a kid into sci-fi, COMPLETELY awesome to see transforming cars and roller-blading construction robots attacking heavily-armed Darth-Vader-wannabe assault droids. Did I mention the main characters name was Ziv Zoolander, and he had a 10 year old sister named Blitzy who often came along on his adventures to blow stuff up? Indeed. To sum up: When genius robot technician Ziv "ZZ" Zoolander discovers that his employers (RM Corps) have designs on world domination, he quits and tries to warn people about them. Branded an outlaw by their powerful boss Lewis Leon Paradim (LLP), ZZ and his bot-designer sister (Blitzy) are forced into hiding. His one advantage is the chip he developed, which gives his bots their own personalities, and enables them to think for themselves and fight intelligently. This makes them a powerful force against a huge but predictable army of security bots. RM Corps's attempts to upgrade their bots' firepower with their Krang chip are a constant danger. Their bot- designer (the oily Dr Hiss) desperately wants to capture a ZZ bot for examination, and ZZ must also avoid being distracted by LLP's gorgeous security chief, Lady Frenzy.

Yes, they call LLP LLP, and they call ZZ ZZ. This show was big on abbreviations. They had places to go, shit to blow up! The only truly classic quote that makes my teeth wiggle:

Yelled every single time right before a battle to make the cartoon switch to cell-shifting 3d:
Ziv Zoolander: It's LASER TIME, boys!

Did that scream "It's 1993, bitch!" or what?

And now, the theme song! Sing along!

Street Boyzz (Jammerzz & Toolzz): Greetings from the Street Boyzz

You know the planet is in a jam
A diabolical plan of only one man
Louis Leon Paradim an international punk
and his army of 3As are his piece of junk

Yeah! Well he can't fade us
He forgot about the Boyzz and the guy who made us
Ziv Zulander, master of Boyzz bots

Street Boyzz: We undermine the plot

Sports Boyzz (Ace, Batzz & All Ball):
We're the Sports Boyzz and we like making noise
Commander jock has intelligent droids

I'm cook, and I can take the heat
But don't forget, you are what you eat

Call me Watzon, let me swivel and say
I rock in the doc and I save the day

And D'Nerd is my name
And the brain is my game

I'm Genesix
Any problem I can fix

My name is Ninjzz
The battle hinges
And how I use my sword and while it singes

I'm Ziv Zoolander, ZZ for short
You know I fight the corp, I'm the Bots Master
Listen up you all, you're the Boyzz brigade
When it's laser time put on the 3D shades
Laser time Boyzz

Bots Master
Bots Master
Bots Master
Bots Master
Bots Master
Bots Master
Bots Master

Game Over

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Actually his name was ziv zulander not zoolander. Zoolander was the movie with Ben Stiller.